


one thing in life i can control

by smallredboy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Arguing, Canon Era, Infidelity, Kissing, M/M, Past Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 09:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12385626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: Aaron and Alexander are lovers during the lawyer years.





	one thing in life i can control

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i HAD to write canon era hamburr sometime and so this happened. there's only a few mentions of homophobia.
> 
> enjoy!

Aaron craves for Alexander to call him by his first name. He's seen his furious blush while he talked to him for the first time, how he'd say 'sir' to refer to him. Now he calls him Burr, or his full name. He itches for the closeness it would give him.

"Call me Aaron for once, Alexander," he tells him when they're behind closed doors, their breaths mingling together as he kisses him. It's wrong, maybe, but he doesn't care. He needs Alexander like everyone needs water. He's vital to his life, even if he messes it up more than he adds something positive to it.

"Why, Burr?" Alexander's eyes gleam with playfulness. He wants to slap his grin off his face for a split second.

Aaron doesn't answer, simply pushes him closer and kisses him in a mess of tongues and lips. Their bodies are pressed together, Alexander's cravat tickling his jaw. "Alexander," he breathes once he pulls away, his eyes boring onto the younger man's face and body.

His breeches hug his thick thighs, and his long hair is so soft and good to pull. His brown eyes, full of determination, full of knowledge he's amassed in his twenty-four years of life. The war is just over with and yet he's got so much to work for.

"What?"

Aaron can't tell him he's beautiful. He kisses his jaw, hopes he gets the message across. His hand caresses his cheek without him even noticing until Alexander holds it and pulls away slowly.

"You're staring."

His fingers curl into Alexander's, intertwining them. "You're stunning." He pauses, tilts his head. "No wonder Laurens and Eliza both fell for you."

"How did you —" Alexander curses under his breath, his cheeks with a dust of pink.

Aaron chuckles. He's seen the pair together; before and after Yorktown. It's sad he's gone, really. They were so obvious to someone that is also a sodomite; normal people, though, not so much. "You were obvious, Alexander."

His lips quirk into a smile, but there's clear pain in his factions at the memory of his late lover. "Wonder why I'm not dead yet, then, Burr."

Aaron's fire inside his heart asks him to kiss him hard, force him to call him by his name. He doesn't. It makes him feel at power, though, although he's nothing but helpless near Alexander.

"Obvious for me. Obvious for someone that's also a sodomite," he corrects himself. He kisses his forehead, pushes his fingers inbetween the other man's locks. Alexander makes a sound similar to a purr and puts himself closer to him, their chests pressed together. "I..."

"Just say it, Aaron."

His heart beats hard at how Alexander drawls his name, a mere murmur as his hand is on his jaw. He wants to give this man everything — this soldier, this lawyer, this _everything_ , because he's everything he can be. "I love you."

Alexander laughs and kisses him, Aaron's heart in his throat and God, he needs him so bad. His hands wrap around the other man's waist and he wonders how he's managed to live this off. He's married to Theodosia, Alexander's married to Eliza, Alexander had something with John Laurens.

There's a silence that overcomes them, Alexander's hands on his face and his hands on Alexander's waist. He wishes they could just be normal men with normal desires, but he can't change it no matter how hard he wishes he could.

"You're still staring," Alexander tells him, his lips upturned into a grin. "You're so — so _weird_ , Burr." He laughs. "But you're incredible." He pauses, his eyes boring onto Aaron's. "Do you wanna go back to work?"

Aaron goes back to Earth with that, and it's suddenly not just him and Alexander. He sees the paper in their desks, the quills and Alexander's messy drafts. He smiles and places a kiss on the man's forehead. "Alright."

Their fingers are laced together after people close the door behind them. Not many come to their office, but fear of someone finding out clings to both of them. He needs Alexander, he knows this best when their fingers are intertwined and the only thing he can hear is the younger man writing and reading in a murmur that doesn't disturb his focus.

Alexander is everything he's not— they match like pieces of a puzzle. He's water and Alexander is fire, all-consuming, scorching his skin with every touch. He's so in love with both him and his wife it hurts.

It takes them hours, Alexander muttering about work and about some cases they have to get to work with. Aaron knows he'll end up being part of the government. Washington's been scrambling to make their independent country work, but it's hard and it's not ready yet.

Alexander looks at his watch in his pocket— it's around eight p.m. They aren't going home just yet, but no one is going to burst through the door. The other man's more bold then, fingers going to a squeeze of his hand, to him holding both his arms.

"You —" Aaron can't say a thing, speechless as Alexander gets up from his chair and he does too. He gets his hands off his wrists to caress his cheek with his thumb, brushing across his brown skin. He breathes, closes his eyes and lets his lips part.

Kissing Alexander has always been a new beginning, everytime he does. It's like his entire body buzzes with such a pleasant feeling. Alexander's lips are against his, moving slowly, softly; Theodosia is in the back of his mind. Eliza is in the back of Alexander's mind too, if he knows the man well.

And after five years of knowing him and see him grow from messy nineteen-year-old with obvious crushes to a put-together soldier, he thinks he does.

"I found you stunning since the start, Burr," Alexander says, voice low and almost cautious. His eyes shine.

"Likewise," Aaron tells him before kissing his temple. He wishes he would call him Aaron, but it's the least of his concerns. He already has him in his arms, kissing him softly, dancing to a beat only they know.

* * *

Theodosia and their child are both fast asleep when Aaron hears knocking on his door. Three knocks in quick succession, to be exact. He smiles and opens the door, familiar to the sight of his lover hugged by the darkness of the night.

"Alexander?"

He dips his head in fake respectfulness. "Aaron Burr, sir."

He states the obvious, "It's the middle of the night."

"Can we confer, sir?"

"Is this a legal matter?" He hopes it isn't, hopes he can take Alexander to bed, disrobe him, take what belongs to him. Even if in reality he doesn't, even if he's truly Eliza's.

Alexander grins. "Yes, and it's important to me." His hair is a mess, put into a ponytail that seems about to give out.

"What do you need?" The man steps closer to him, hands on his.

"Burr, you're a better lawyer than me."

Aaron's face flushes as much as it can with his skin color. "O-Okay." He's not used to Alexander, almighty writer and loudmouth to give him praise.

"I know I talk too much, I'm abrasive. You're incredible in court!" Alexander's eyes shine, and it's dark, no one could see them — his thoughts are interrupted by the man's lips on his own for a split second. "You're succint, persuasive. My client needs a strong defense, you're the solutuon."

Aaron can't get over his praise, his lips against his own for just a second. Alexander knows better than his wife how he loves prolonged kisses; it's like he's teasing him on purpose. "Who's your client?"

"The new US constitution?" he raises an eyebrow, puts a question mark at the end.

Aaron bites his lip, stares at his lover. His head hurts. "No."

"Hear me out—"

Aaron can't do such a move. He can't go in stride, he's got to wait. "No way."

"A series of essays, anonymously published, defending the documents of the public."

"No one will read it," Aaron argues, his heart on his throat and his hands trembling as Alexander pulls his away.

"I disagree."

He huffs, "And if it fails?"

"Burr— _Aaron_ , that's why we need it!"

He remains quiet for a second, his mind wanting to go with whatever Alexander says after he'd called him Aaron. It's affectionate, almost. Too intimate. "The constitution's a mess."

"So it needs amendments."

"It's full of contradictions!" he argues although his heart begs him not to.

"So is independence."

"We have to start somewhere," Alexander tells him, his eyes ablaze and lip between his teeth.

"No. No way." He doesn't want to listen to his lover, he doesn't want to make such a bold move. His blood isn't boiling like Alexander's is— he's frustrated, that's all.

"You're making a mistake, Aaron."

"Good night."

Aaron evades. He evades as he turns around and starts closing the door, all too slow, almost hoping Alexander will clap back, and he does.

"What are you waiting for?" Alexander spits out. "What do you stall for?"

"What?"

"We won the war, what was it all for?" Alexander balls up his fist and shakes it, his eyes gleaming with the same determination he's always seen in them. He wants to kiss him, have sex with him, make him forget this stupid discussion. "Do you support this constitution?"

"Of course."

"Then defend it!" Alexander courses his fingers through his hair, hisses under his breath.

"And what if you're backing the wrong horse?"

"Burr, we studied and we fought and we killed for the nation we now get to build." His voice shakes with pent-up anger. "For once in your life, take a stand with pride. Aaron, I don't understand how you stand to the side."

"I'm keeping my plans close to my chest, Alexander. I'm waiting." Aaron turns around, eyes lidded as he closes the door behind him. He breathes hard and tries not to hear Alexander cursing on the other side of the door. They just fought, and he feels as awful as it would've if they were an actual couple and not just a pair of sodomites.

He doesn't go back to bed, waiting for Alexander to leave. It doesn't come. He soons feels a weight on the other side of the door, and he stiffens. It's quiet, too quiet— he opens the door and sees Alexander, tears in his eyes.

Their lips meet, the darkness of the night giving way of all the precaution they've had. He bites at Alexander's lips, holds him by the back of his cravat. He's delightful, and he stops himself from letting sobs wrack his body.

When they pull away, Alexander's eyes are still misty and his lips are a bit swollen from kissing so much. "I went off."

"Thank God you noticed," he replies.

"I'm sorry."

Alexander wraps his arms around Aaron's middle. It's all alright, for a second. He's there, the other man's face buried on his neck. He's there, breathing into his cologne and playing with his long hair. Nothing is wrong, they didn't just argue.

"I love you," Aaron tells him, a hand on his head and other on his neck.

Alexander leaves a kiss on his jaw, his hands trembling as he goes farther down, grabbing at Aaron's breeches. He makes a noise and closes his eyes, savoring the moment. His heart still beats hard, thinking that their relationship will fall apart after this, that he needs to get off his ass for Alexander to like him again.

"I hate your indecisiveness,"Alexander says, seemingly reading his thoughts. "But the rest of you is... something."

"You should leave. It's... late, and if you don't want to leave you should come inside."

"Are you cold?"

Aaron ducks his head, nods, and Alexander laughs. Maybe this is perfect, being close to one another, hearing the younger man laugh. It's a soft, musical sound, and as they enter his house, he thinks he's being a bit daring; Theodosia is on the upper floor, after all.

Alexander tugs at his cravat and his body pulses with need; they kiss, they take each other's clothes off. They breathe together, they try to remain quiet. Aaron's life would be senseless without him. 


End file.
